


Numbers

by littlemissstark315



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Soulmate AU, follows cannon-ish., gonna get angsty before it gets happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:33:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22282669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissstark315/pseuds/littlemissstark315
Summary: Your soulmate can see how long your time living is going to be. So when Wash and Tucker find out that they’re meant to be, Tucker has to make a decision and fast because while he may have 85 years, Wash has three which brings the question; does he want to try with someone he knows will die in three years? Or keep his heart cold and far away from the blonde?
Relationships: Lavernius Tucker/Agent Washington
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

Tucker didn’t believe he had a soulmate out there.

He barely believed in the concept at all. Apparently you’re supposed to see how long your soulmate has to live and he’s been with many people and never saw any number on them. 

He’s comforted a few friends when they saw their soulmate only had a year, three years to live while they have eighty.

It made Tucker pissed off at fate and the universe in general every time. Why give someone a soulmate only to take them away so soon?

He almost forgot about the whole numbers thing when he joined the army since he wasn’t really close with anyone (other than church but they never really have seen each other out of armor) and everyone had armor on so no skin flashes of numbers. 

But then Agent Washington happened. He hated him. So he told himself every night struggling with the thoughts that their arguments really turn him on. 

One of the days Wash came in to wake him up in crash site bravo, while he was sleeping naked because it’s fucking hot, wash woke him up.

“Tucker I swear to god-“ Tucker groaned, sitting up, not caring if his junk was hanging out or not. “It’s my room wash, I can sleep how I like.”

He said as he got up. He grabbed his boxers when Wash stopped him. “Hey, what’s that on your wrist?” Tucker looked at his wrists after he was presentable..Sorta. “What?” “That. On your left wrist.”

Tucker looked and saw nothing. “It’s nothing, there’s nothing there.” Wash huffed, grabbing his wrist. “I’m not blind-oh.” Wash said, realizing what it is.

Tucker gave him an eyebrow. “Oh?” “I think this is your life span.” “My what?” Then it caught up with him. “Oh.” And then it caught with him again that wash could see it. “OH.” Wash took his hand away. “Uh yeah. Oh.”

Tucker swallowed, at least that answered the question of why he was so turned on by their arguments. “So guess we’re soulmates then?” Wash took his helmet off, blonde hair spiking from lack of any real product or shampoo. His face blushing but eyes bright. “Yeah. I guess we are. We don’t have to start anything. I’m not going to push it.”

Tucker gave a nod. “Good cause right now I’m still processing this.” He was quiet. “What did it say?” “Your number?” Wash asked. Tucker gave a nod. “Yeah. What is it?”

Wash smiled. “85 years.” Tucker’s eyes got big. “Whoa. 85. Holy shit. I’m gonna be near 100 when I die, or more.” “That is pretty amazing, especially with your diet.”

Tucker smiled, feeling like a kid, he could understand now why this was fun. “Want to know what yours says?”

Wash blushed. “No. It’s ok, I’m probably better off not knowing.” “Can I see?” Wash sighed, taking his gloves off and bits of armor to show his wrists. “Do you see it?”

Tucker took his right wrists (he found it romantic and hilarious that their numbers are on opposite arms to the other) and looked but reread it thee more times.

1095 days

Tucker swallowed, doing the math in his head.

That’s three years.

Wash panicked. “Oh my god, do I die tomorrow? A week?” Tucker put on a smile, not wanting wash to know. “Dude, no. Course not. You got 90 years on me. Probably all that working out you make us do.”

Wash chuckled, putting his gloves back in place. “At least we’re have plenty of time to figure this out.” Tucker get his heart drop. “Yeah. You go ahead, I’ll be behind.” Wash gave a nod and led the room.

Tucker sat on his bed, still processing what just happened. Wash has three years. How the fuck is this fair? Tucker felt his eyes water. He found his soulmate and now fate wants to take him away? How fucking fair is that?

Now he has to wonder, does he even want to be in a relationship with Wash, knowing it will end in tears and pain when he passes in three years?

He wiped at his face angrily; the universe and fate can go fuck itself. This wasn’t fucking fair and he isn’t even sure why he cares, he wasn’t even looking for love or a partner.

He got ready and tried to put the 1095 days out of his head but the weight of it hung on him, forcing him to make a decision and fast.

He tried not be testy, or moody toward wash. It wasn’t his fault fate or destiny screwed him over.

Wash yelled a command to him and he nearly growled, his frustration reaching its fever pitch. “Goddamnit! Will you just shut up?!” Wash glared under his helmet, coming closer. “Tucker-“ “No! I’m tired of this! Of working out! Of doing all this shit and for what? Nothing!” “It’s for your own good! What if something happens?”

“Well we’re already well aware that’s not gonna happen to us! I got 90 fucking years!” Wash was silent, walking closer. “So that’s what this is about? Our numbers?”

Tucker took his helmet off angrily, throwing it to the ground, not knowing Grif and Simmons over heard a small distance away. “Of course it is! I mean it’s kind of a big deal! I mean my fucking soulmate is you?”

Wash felt a lurch if hurt. “I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted. I can’t help fate put us together but that’s no reason to abandon your duties as a soldier; you may live a long time but we don’t know anyone else’s time and we need to stay prepared, for them. You’re dismissed for the day, obviously we can’t work under these conditions.” “Fine by me.” Tucker picked up his helmet and went back to his bunk to sulk.

Grif cursed from their spot, having gone to find firewood. “Shit. Think they’re like us?” He said, looking at Simmons. Simmons sighed. “I guess so. Wonder how they found out?” “Dude, tucker sleeps naked, probably not hard to find out.”

That night Tucker didn’t sleep. His mind conflicted between giving Wash a chance and staying the fuck away from him so he doesn’t get more attached.

Fuck his life, he thought as he grumbled.


	2. Chapter 2

Tucker tried to forget about the soulmates thing, and he did for a while. He and Wash did their own things away from each other and that was fine with him.

Until locus happened and Wash sacrificed himself for the rest of them when he told Freckles to shake. 

He tried to run out there but Felix caught him. “Whoa! Tucker! Stop!” Tucker struggled as the entrance collapsed. “I need to help him! Let me go!” “Then you’ll be captured too, don’t let his sacrifice be for nothing. Let’s go!”

He shoved Tucker in the opposite direction. Tucker walked away angry, feeling tears well in his eyes as he kept telling himself Wash still has three years, he won’t die. But that doesn’t help his fear of what they might do to him.

It was hours later they got settled into the new base, Tucker given his own room. All of them given their own rooms.

It didn’t make him happy. After a small brief he went down to the training room and went to town on a punching bag.

He was broken out of his thoughts by Felix. “Something happen between you and Wash?” Tucker breathed, controlled through his nose. “I don’t want to talk.” “I mean, you’re acting like you’re soulmates or something.”

Tucker snapped, turning around on him, glaring. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Felix grinned. “I was right. Called it!” Tucker resisted the urge to punch him as he turned around, punching the punching bag.

Felix huffed. “Oh Com’on, look. I’m not in a great situation either. My soulmate is Locus. How do you think I feel?” Tucker let out an amused sound. “Saying we’re in the same boat?” “No. I’m saying you need to chill the fuck out. Just because life made you destined to be together forever does not mean it will go smoothly.” “is this a pep talk? Because it sucks.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “Just come see some of your team mates, especially Cabbose. He won’t stop asking about wash.” “What the fuck am I supposed to tell him?”

Felix gave him a look. “Tell him he’s fine, tell him he’ll be back, anything that will shut him up.” 

Tucker groaned as he walked out of the training room, finding Cabbose in the little entertainment center, his armor off and in pajamas that Kimball gave him. “Uh hey Cabbose.”

Cabbose smiled over, brown hair greasy from wearing his helmet for so long. “Oh hello Tucker!” Tucker sighed as he walked closer. “I hear you’re worried about wash too.” He had no idea how to start this. “Oh just a little. He’s just so busy looking out for us, he forgets to take care of himself. Will he be back soon?”

Tucker frowned. “Uh Cabbose, he may not be back. Locus captured him while we escaped.” Cabbose looked away. “Oh.” “I’m sorry but we are gonna get him back, don’t worry about that.” “I know. I know church will be back soon. You know he’s my soulmate?” Tucker almost laughed. “What?”

“Well I saw his numbers silly. But they were kinda floating around him, it was a lot of ones and zeros and I didn’t know what that means but someone said when you can see numbers on a person they’re your soul mate.”

Tucker just gave a nod. “Right. As always, it was…interesting talking with you.” He turned and Dr. Grey was right behind him with a smile. “Oh hello Private Tucker! I overheard you talking to Cabbose about soulmates?”

“Uh yeah. Can’t believe church is his soulmate.” “Well I might be able to answer that. There’s actually two types of soulmates; romantic and friendship. The bond he had with church was likely just friendship since either have never felt compelled to make it romantic.” Tucker frowned. “And what about me and wash?” She looked thoughtful. “What about you two?”

“I mean, how can I tell if it’s romantic or not?” She grinned. “Well that’s easy, do you feel the need to kiss him or spend time with him? Does he turn you on or give you butterflies in your stomach?” Tucker blushed, looking away. “Fuck.”

He should have realized his feelings went deeper when he felt the need to break every rule to rescue wash. He and the others went on their own, to where Wash and the others were being held, damn the consequences

Thankfully none of them were harmed and a lot of ugly things came to light. But all Tucker could focus on was Wash was safe.

That night back at base, after a lecture and praise from Kimbal (and a promotion for everyone) he found he couldn’t sleep.

He felt the urge to go to Washs room and kiss him stupid. To kiss and fuck him senseless. With a groan he got out of bed and made his way to Washs bunk.

He knocked, rather loudly and aggressively. Wash answered with his pistol in his hands and pajamas on. Wash looked confused. “Tucker? What are you doing here?” Tucker was almost at a loss for words but he could see the little bit of numbers on Washs wrist, reminding him of his time. Or what little there was.

Tucker grabbed his head, fingers tangling in blonde hair and kissed him, deeply. Wash squeaked, almost protesting but once he realized what was happening he melted, wrapping his own arms around the dark skinned soldier like a cat, fingers gripping dreads.

Tucker groaned, holding him closer, making the kiss deeper when Wash pulled away, kiss swollen lips and blue eyes dark with lust as he gripped Tucker’s shirt and dragged him into his room, Tucker barely managing to close the door.

Tucker left hours later, feeling worse. He has no idea what he wants to do, given Washs limited time alive. He thought coming here would help, maybe get some feelings out.

All he did was fuck wash and leave while he slept. And that made him feel like shit, even if they did have a good hour or two.


	3. Chapter 3

When Wash woke he felt shame fill him; Tucker had left during the night.

He had thought..

Well it doesn’t matter now. He felt tears fill his eyes and he wiped them away and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Obviously Tucker doesn’t care about an actual relationship with him, he’s suspicious his number is extremely low, probably next five years to live and Tucker isn’t telling him but with no way to prove it he’s left like this; alone in the morning after a hookup he thought would turn into more.

He put the thoughts behind him as he got ready for the day.

The whole day Tucker couldn’t shake the shitty feeling that followed him since he left Washs room.

He went about his training the troops, got lunch and avoiding Wash when able. His avoidance was almost comical. Anytime Wash entered a room, he left.

Wash would try to even say hi to him and Tucker was gone. He felt his chest tighten every time. Maybe he was wrong about the numbers, maybe Tucker really is disappointed he was his soulmate.

He was quiet most of the day, not yelling nearly as loud as he normally would, even to the point Jensen came over and asked. “Sir, I know this will sound weird but you’re not yelling at us like you normally do. Are you ok?”

Wash blinked in his helmet, he barely realized how quiet he was. “Ah, yeah. Fine..just..just a cold. A small one.” “Ok, well I hope you feel better soon.” “Thanks. You’re all dismissed.” He turned and saw Carolina and inwardly cringed, feeling like a child.

He walked over to where his water bottle sat, taking his helmet off. She walked over, taking her helmet off, looking worried. “So I can’t help but notice you’ve been weirdly quiet.” Wash swallowed his water. “Just a cold.” “Bullshit. I’ve seen you with a cold, three times. You are anything but quiet.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. Just because I’m not yelling doesn’t mean something is wrong.” She gave him a stare. He huffed. “What?” She shrugged. “Alright. I’ll believe you, for now.” She softened. “You know you can come to me about anything, right?” Washs gave her a smile. “Yeah.”

It was a week when Wash saw Tucker again, nearly forgetting the incident between them. There was a knock at his door.

He was barely in bed when he got his pistol, going to the door, seeing Tucker. “Captain Tucker.” He said. Tucker swallowed. “Agent Washington. I...” he cursed. “Fuck..this was stupid.” He turned, ready to leave when Wash grabbed his arm. “It’s not stupid if it has you this messed up.”

Tucker just stared at him, his eyes holding so many conflicting emotions. “Of everyone in the entire world..why is it you?” Wash frowned, feeling that hurt return, that he isn’t enough. 

Wash looked away, hand falling away. Tucker saw the hurt look on his face and couldn’t stop himself. He reached and gently held Washs head and brought him in for a kiss.

Wash knew he should push him away, feeling he knows how’s this is gonna end but Tucker’s hands holding his head, tangling in his hair, his lips on his, felt so damn good, he was a puddle.

He brought Tucker inside, pacing his pistol back on the dresser while Tucker locked the door before attaching themselves to each other, lips crashing as Tucker guided him to the bed.

Once Washs back hit the bed he pulled back, lips kiss swollen. “Wait, wait..” Tucker pulled away, staring down at him. “What?” Wash frowned. “Shouldn’t we talk or something? This is the second time you’ve come to my room.” Tucker sighed, feeling guilt bubble up. “Later, I promise.” He said before attacking Washs neck.

Wash whined, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, feeling his hands travel under his nightshirt before it was taken off completely, lips traveling down his chest as hands started taking his pajama pants off along with his boxers.

He blushed as he sat up on his elbows. “I find this a little unfair.” Tucker raised an eyebrow as he continued to kiss and nip at his abs. “What is?” Wash shuddered when a shiver went up his spine. “You’re overdressed.” Tucker grinned, hands going to wrap around Washs hard cock. “Doesn’t seem like you mind it.” 

Wash whined again, falling back to the bed as Tucker began to stroke him. It wasn’t long before he was nice and distracted and moaning as Tucker got him ready, his entrance feeling stretched and ready. His head fuzzy and feeling floaty.

Tucker wrapped his legs around him and aimed, kissing his neck as he pushed in. Wash gasped, arching into him. “Oh god..” Tucker smirked into his neck. “Like that baby?” Wash was whining, panting. “Yes.” “Want more?” “Yes…”

Once Tucker was fully inside he started, he thrust in and out at a steady and hard pace, barely giving him a chance to adjust. Wash didn’t seem to mind as he panted and moaned, hands gripping around Tucker’s shoulders like a cat, leaving marks.

Tucker sucked at his neck and Wash let him, leaning his head as he moaned, loudly. “Oh god! Tucker…fuck..” Tucker nearly bit down, feeling his climax approaching, fast.

Wash gasps, panting as he came between them, smearing their stomachs with his seed. Tucker gasped as he came next, thrusting in a little harder before finally stopping, pulling out and laying down.

Wash was already almost completely asleep. When Tucker caught his breath he sat up and Wash stopped him, groggily. “We were gonna talk?” Tucker sighed. “Later. Now just go to sleep.” “Will you stay?” “Yeah. I’ll be here.”

When Wash woke, he woke to a cold bed and dried come on him making him feel disgusting, for so many reasons.

He sat up, feeling sore but not as sore as his heart felt. He felt like a child as tears burned his eyes. He couldn’t go to the showers like this but he needed to clean himself up but all he had in his room was a small bathroom with just a toilet and sink; he wanted to feel cleaner than that. 

He go his helmet, sending Carolina a message. Once it was sent he let out a shaky breath, feeling his lip tremble and tears start to fall. 

It wasn’t long before there was a knock on his door. He put on his discarded shirt and boxers and opened the door.

Carolina had a few cleaning items, mostly bath wipes they used when they were in the field too long. But she went from curious to fucking worried when she saw the tears in his eyes and hicky on his neck.

She barged in, setting the stuff on the nearby desk and closing the door. “Who the fuck was it?” Wash sniffled, taking the items. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Carolina stopped him, glaring softly. “Wash, tell me what happened?” 

Wash felt a fresh batch of tears start as he looked away. “I had sex. Meaningless sex that didn’t matter to them.” He sat on the bed, voice breaking. “I…I just want to know why?” Carolina sat next to him, not quite sure how to handle this many emotions without a target. “Why what?” “Why am I not enough? Why do they keep leaving when I asked them to stay?” She stayed quiet, feeling a protective rage boiling inside her but right now her best friend needed her.

She hugged him close and let him cry. “Wash, whoever they are, they’re an idiot to think you’re not enough.” “Then why does Tucker keep leaving?” Carolina tensed, pulling back. “This was Tucker?”

Wash looked away. “Yeah. I know I shouldn’t have let him in the second time, I know. I was so stupid, I let him use me.” Carolina just gave a nod before standing. “Clean up and give yourself a day off.” “ But-“ She glared down, handing him the wipes. “That’s an order. I’ll be back, and we’re going to have a day in.”

She walked out and Wash wasn’t sure if he should follow her or not. He found he didn’t have the energy to so he let her go and prayed Tucker came out of her wrath alive.

Carolina found Tucker training the troops, she didn’t even care. She marched over and decked him in the head, the troops gasping and watching.

Tucker barely had any response time before Carolina surprise punched him. “Ah fuck! What was that for!?” She nearly growled as she went in for another, this time he dodged. “What the fuck do you think?! You think you can’t just play with Washs emotions like that?!”

He dodged another punch but didn’t see the kick come at his side, making him double over. “What is going on?!” He said before coughing.

She held onto his armor, taking his helmet off so they could see face to face, her green eyes full of fire. “Wash is hurting because of you. He thinks he isn’t enough for some goddamn reason because you keep leaving him. Why are you even hooking up with him?” Tucker looked away, she didn’t let go of his armor.

“We’re soulmates. We saw our numbers.” “That doesn’t give you-“ “His number is extremely low.” Tucker said, looking her in the eyes. She paused, letting her grip slack on him. “How low?” Tucker looked away. “Two and a half years.” Carolina shook her head. “No. No, there has to be a mistake.” Tucker glared this time. “That’s what I thought too, but every time I see him out of armor, I see that fucking number. And it has me so fucked up, not gonna lie.”

Carolina swallowed, wondering why and how Wash has so little time, but she put that behind her and glared at Tucker. “That still doesn’t give you the right to fuck around with his emotions like this. Either you stay with him or you leave him the fuck alone and god help you if you hurt him again.” Tucker gave a nod and she walked away, wondering if she should tell Wash but really, who honestly wants to know how many days they have left?


	4. Chapter 4

Three years passed and during those few years Tucker decided to do what he can to make up for treating wash so shitty.

After some time between them passed he started talking to him more regularly, surprising him with his favorite stuff.

But he could tell it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t what Wash wanted ; an answer and a relationship. And he knew It wouldn’t be but he was not going to tell him he had maybe months live, if that. Tucker did what he could to not become attached while also being a good person; it wasn’t easy.

But then he and Kai started a fuck buddies kind of relationship. He knows he’s seen Wash see him sneaking into Kais room. His guilt sometimes made it hard to preform, sometimes he came too soon and sometimes they didn’t even get that far because he couldn’t get it up.

He groaned as he rolled over, Kai pouting. “Is it me?” “No. You’re fucking hot.” She still pouted, leaning against him, trailing her finger up his dark abs, bleached blonde hair with dark roots hanging over her shoulder. “What is it? I know something is bothering you.”

He was quiet, looking at her, hoping maybe he saw numbers on her, maybe he was wrong about Wash but there was nothing.

“Have you found your soulmate?” He asked. She scoffed. “Soulmate? You mean the number thing?” “Yeah.” “Nope.” Tucker sighed. Kai frowned, poking him. “Hey, talk buddy.” Tucker looked at her. “It’s Wash. I saw his numbers.” “So why are you here?” “Because he only has three years. Well that was three years ago, now he probably has less than a few months.” He felt his eyes water.

Kai whistled. “Damn. That’s rough. Why aren’t you with him?” He sat up. “Because I don’t know what to do. He’s going to die soon, do I get myself attached to him only have him be taken away?” “That is a little fucked up. Does he know?” “No. I couldn’t tell him. Only you, me and Carolina.” “You probably should Dude. I mean, that’s kinda a big deal.” Tucker huffed. “Yeah, I’ll go tell him he has possibly days to live, that will go over well.” 

After Wash saw Tucker go with Kai, again,he felt that “not good enough” feeling come back, suffocating him in a depression as he called it an early day. He started hanging his armor in the locker room when Carolina came over with a frown. “Hey, you called it early today, not like you.” He shrugged, running a hand through his blonde hair. “I’m just not feeling it today.” “Does this have to do with Tucker and Kai?”

He looked over, feeling a sting in his chest. He looked away. “It’s stupid. I shouldn’t feel this way.” He said as he closed the locker, only in his boxers and undershirt. Carolina glared softly. “It’s not stupid. You two are soulmates-“ “But he doesn’t want me.”

Carolina wished she could defend Tucker without telling Wash his reasons. Carolina sighed. “You know Tucker, he’s probably not ready for that kind of commitment. Do you really want to force it on him?” Wash frowned. “No. Of course not. See? This is why I said this was stupid.” 

That next day they were met with Dylan Andrews and her cameraman and a mission to save Church.

The entire time Tucker had this feeling that something bad was going to happen, he couldn’t shake it but damn if he tried. 

It wasn’t until they found Wash and Carolina, both loopy and weak with dehydration from Temples sick game, thankfully Lcous came in.

But of all the ways he thought Wash would die, literally walking into the crosshairs of the battlefield wasn’t one of them. Tucker called out his name, tried to get him to get the fuck back, but Wash turned and was met with a bullet to his neck.

Tucker isn’t sure he’ll ever forget it. He cried out his name, running over along with Carolina. “Wash! Shit!” But then Tucker remembered the numbers, remembered it’s been three years and now those days and years are gone and Wash is dead, thinking he wasn’t good enough.

Tucker felt the bond fate gave them burn in his chest, his voice thick as Locus came over, Carolina next to him. “Is there anything we can do?” Carolina sounded just as upset. “I don’t know. Leave it to Dr. grey.” “I’m going with him.” Tucker said suddenly.

Carolina gave him a look he already could see through his helmet. “Tucker, it’s been three years-“ “No! Maybe fate was wrong! Maybe the numbers were wrong! We have to try!” Carolina sighed shakily. “Go with him. If by slim chance he comes through, he needs a familiar face and I can’t leave these guys alone.” Tucker just nodded and followed the medics and Locus onto the ship.

He only left Washs side when he was taken to the OR by Dr.Grey. Having to sit alone and wait and feel his guilt come back tenfold.

His throat closed on him, a lump forming as tears fell down his face. How could he treat Wash like shit? Why didn’t he just stay with him? Be in a relationship? They would have been happier than whatever the fuck Tucker was doing.

God he wasted so much time and now he’s probably dead, according to the numbers, definitely dead but no doctor has called it so he’s going hope, stupidly.

He doesn’t know how many hours Wash had been in surgery but Carolina showed up, no armor and eyes bloodshot with tears. “Hey.” She said gently. He looked up, voice raw as he spoke. “Gonna rub this in my face? That I deserve this for how I treated Wash.”

Carolina sighed shakily as she sat next to him. “I’m a bitch, not a cold hearted monster. I know the reasons you did that, I’m still not happy with it. But Tucker, Wash is like a baby brother to me. Even from his first day in project freelancer I watched over him because I knew he was not going to be as hardned like everyone else.” “I can understand why you punched me, I deserved it.” “Yes you did.”

Carolina looked at him, her voice breaking. “Think this is it? He’s really gone?” Tucker sucked in a shaking breath of his own. “I don’t know.” He looked over at her. “What was he like when you first met him?”

Carolina smiled sadly, wiping tears away. “Fucking young. He was the youngest of us. He acted like it too. He didn’t whine or anything but, he was naïve. He had an innocence most of us had lost due to the job. He didn’t step on anyone to climb the leaderboard or shit talk anyone. He got labeled the worst of project freelancer but he wasn’t. You know he can more than hold his own but he doesn’t compete, not like me or the others. And he was a complete fucking dork. He got talked into doing so many stupid things.” She said with a watery laugh. “One time York got him to believe he could eat and drink with his helmet still on.”

Tucker chuckled, wiping tears of his own away. “Goddamn, how did fate think I belong with him?” He felt guilt come back, it would probably never leave him, making a home inside him. “I don’t fucking deserve him. Not after how I treated him.” Carolina stayed silent, she almost agreed with him but didn’t want to make this worse. So she placed a hand on his shoulder and waited.


	5. Chapter 5

Dr. Grey walked out of the OR. Blood on her scrubs and some hair coming out of her cap; she looked exhausted with bags under her eyes.

She found Carolina and Tucker, still somehow awake after the twenty hour surgery, fear can do that. She walked over, trying to be happy but Washs future was still uncertain and she was so damn tired. “Hey, he’s all patched up!”

Tucker looked hopeful at her. “Is he alive?” Dr. Grey sighed. “He is, for now. Why don’t we have some coffee in my office? We can talk more comfortably there. Follow me.” Both followed, Carolina feeling antsy, wanting an actual answer.

When they got there Dr. Grey started her coffee maker and got out three mugs. Carolina spoke. “Please, is Wash going to be ok?”

Dr, Grey turned to her. “That’s not an easy answer. I’ll explain. You see when he was shot in the neck, although survivable, is still a near fatal injury. We actually lost him on the table a few times. But because of the location his brain couldn’t get enough oxygen which in turn possibly caused brain damage but since he is still asleep from surgery and won’t be awake for hours, it’s too soon to tell.”

Carolina walked closer, feeling Hope flutter in her chest. “But he’s alive?” “The short answer is yes, he is alive. But his life is going to be difficult from here on out.” Tucker grinned, eyes welling with happy tears. “Fuck yeah, fate was wrong. He’s alive. Thank fucking god.”

Dr, Grey went to Tucker. “Tucker, don’t get your hopes up just yet, he may not even remember you when he wakes up, we have no idea what brain damage there could be.”

Tucker nodded. “That’s alright. I’m just happy he’s alive. Whatever damage there is, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” Carolina couldn’t help but smile teary eyed, celebrating herself but she did have a thought on her mind. “But Tucker said his numbers had only three years, how is it wrong?”

Dr. Grey smiled. “That’s because the numbers are not an exact science. He did die on the table, we lost him for 30 seconds, so it’s likely the numbers meant the short brush with death he had. And depending on how short his numbers are this time possibly, it might be a similar near-death experience. So in conclusion don’t listen to those numbers, listen to your heart.”

Carolina huffed. “As cheesy as that sounds, you’re right.” Tucker let out a breath. “Can I see him?” Dr. Grey frowned. “He’s not going to be easy to look at, he has a lot of wires.” “I don’t care, I need to see him.” Dr. Grey looked at Carolina. “Is this alright with you?”

Carolina gave a nod. “Yeah. I think he got his karma.” Dr. Grey gave a nod. “Alrightie, follow me.” They both followed and Tucker tried to brace himself for the worst but when she opened the door in the ICU, to his room, Tucker felt his heart stop and that his rib cage may cave in.

He’s never seen Wash look so vulnerable. He was pale, the heart monitor a steady beep, connected to his finger and he had several wires and an oxygen mask. He walked over with tears in his eyes. Dr. Grey filled the silence explaining all the wires. “One is a blood bag, he lost a lot of blood, that’s why he’s so pale. Another is to hydrate him and another is to keep infection at bay. He currently is on oxygen therapy hence the mask. He can breath on his own which is a very good sign but since he was without air for so long-“ Carolina placed a hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t we leave them alone? You look like you need some rest too.”

Dr. Grey just nodded. “Yeah..yeah, that sounds good. Tucker, will you need a cot?” Tucker didn’t speak as he held Washs hand as if it was the most fragile glass, being mindful of the wires. Carolina answered for him. “Yes, lets bring him a cot.” They both walked out of the room, Carolina making sure to close the door.

Once the door was closed Tucker let out a shuddering breath, leaning down, cupping Washs face with a shaking hand. Voice thick and face wet. “Oh god..I’m so sorry Wash. I…I was so stupid. I was so fucked up by your numbers. I should have fucking told you what they said. But I couldn’t. God, I love you so much.” He let a sob escape, the first time he’s let himself cry over this entire shitty situation since he found out how short his numbers are. He suddenly looked at Washs wrist, seeing fifty years and forty-nine days on the skin.

He swallowed, it wasn’t his 80 years but it’s definitely better. He brought the wrist up to his mouth and kissed the numbers tenderly when the door opened.

Carolina walked in with a roll up cot. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” Tucker sniffled, looking over at her. “I don’t deserve him.” Carolina set the cot up and walked over, trying to be as supportive as she could be, she was still salty at him for how he treated Wash in the first place but knew he was trying to be better. “No but maybe that’s why you do. Maybe fate put you together to teach you a lesson.” “So you think he’s my soulmate because he’s going to make me a better person? That’s romantic for you.” He said quietly.

Carolina sighed. “Your cot is set up, you should get some rest.” Tucker shook his head, still holding Washs hand. “No. I’m gonna stay here. I want to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up.” “He could be asleep for two days Tucker. You need your rest just as much as he needs his. You’ve been up for forty plus hours.” Tucker stayed quiet.

She sighed, crossing her arms. “Tucker, get in that cot before I forcefully remove you from wash.” Tucker looked pleadingly at her. She softened. “He’ll still be here when you wake up. He’ll understand you need your rest.”

Tucker gave a nod before kissing Washs head. “Sleep well, and wake up soon. I’m not going anywhere.” He moved from the bed and went to the cot taking his boots off, Dr. Grey already has their armor stored.

Once Tucker was asleep (having fallen asleep once his head hit the pillow) Carolina let her emotions show, feeling her eyes water as she walked over to Washs bedside, holding his hand. “God, I’m so glad your ok. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t. Get well soon, ok little brother?” She kissed his head and left the room.


	6. Chapter 6

It was nearly three days until Wash woke up, slight as it was. Tucker has barely left his hospital room, Carolina feeling less and less salty about how he treated Wash, seeing he truly does mean to make amends so she helped by bringing him food and talking to Wash to help out when she wasn’t busy.

Tucker was arranging the lilacs that got delivered to him when he heard the sound of panicked breathing. Wash suddenly awake and looking around the room frantically. “What..?” He said, voice trailing off to pant. Tucker went to him quickly, holding his hand gently and caressing his cheek with his other hand. “It’s alright, you’re in the hospital, you’re safe.” Wash nearly cried, tears in his eyes as he spoke. “Who..who are you? Why am I here?”

Tucker frowned, remembering Dr. Grey warned him about the possible brain damage and memory loss. “I’m Tucker, I’m a friend.” Wash swallowed before closing his eyes, passing out.

Tucker sighed, pressing the call nurse button. One of Greys nurses came in, looking worried. “Yes?” Tucker frowned. “Can you get Dr. Grey? Please? He woke up.” The young nurse frowned. “I’m afraid she’s in surgery right now but I will let her know. When the surgery is done she’ll be here right away.” Tucker nodded as the nurse left. He moved away and sent a text to Carolina.

“He woke up. Only for about ten seconds.”

Carolina replied almost immediately.

“Did he say anything? Do anything?”

“He had a panic attack, didn’t know where he was or who I was before passing out.”

“It’s progress, Dr. Grey warned us he may not remember us. We still don’t know the extent of the possible brain damage. Don’t be hurt if he doesn’t remember you..us, when he wakes up next time.”

“I got it.”

Tucker sighed as he put his phone down, going to sit on his cot. He wished he could take back every shitty thing he did to wash, anything he did to make him feel not enough or unwanted, he would take it all back.

It wasn’t too long until Dr. Grey was walking through the door with a smile. “So I hear Agent Washington woke up briefly?” Tucker stood. “Yeah, he panicked and didn’t know where he was or who I was. He passed out after that.”

She nodded, going to Washs side. “Let me check his vitals real quick.” Tucker watched as she checked Washs heart rate, his breathing, took blood to check his oxygen levels and anything in between.

She smiled as she stood straight. “Well he seems to be recovering quite well. When he wakes next it’s likely he’ll stay awake. Have you eaten yet today?” Tucker looked away. “I really didn’t want to leave him.”

She clicked her tongue, crossing her arms. “Tucker..I suppose I understand, I’ll have one of the nurses bring you something, I have an appointment soon. But please, if he wakes up again, call.” Tucker just nodded as she left.

Carolina came in carefully, looking at Wash before talking to Tucker. “How is he?” Tucker sighed, going back to sitting on the cot. “Same. Still asleep, only woke up for a few seconds before panicking and passing out. Dr. Grey checked his vitals, he’s fine.”

Carolina just nodded, rubbing her thumb carefully over Washs hand, being mindful of the IV. “Good. I was worried it might have given him a heart attack or blown blood vessel or something.” She saw the flowers, smelled them really, and smiled. “Good. Those got here too.”

Tucker looked weird at them. “I was wondering about them.” Carolina turned to Tucker. “They’re his favorite flower. His mom planted them around his home when he was a kid. He’ll never admit that to anyone though. He tries so hard to be tough but..he’s so far from it.”

Tucker nodded. “Kinda figured that out, the hard way.” Carolina glared at him. “You mean when you made him a one night stand and broke his heart?” Tucker swallowed his guilt down. “Yeah. Trust me, no one hates me more than myself right now for what I did.”

Carolinas glare softened. “You know I’m never going to let you live that down. You’re not forgiven yet from me. So if I even think you might pull that shit again, you’re body won’t be found.”

Tucker just nodded. “I deserve that. Hey, this is probably stupid but could you tell me more about him? I honestly don’t know much and he’s my fucking soulmate.”

Carolina came over and sat in the chair near the cot. “I can only tell you a few things, his life story, that’s gotta come form him. What do you want to know? Keep it simple.”

Tucker sighed. “Uhh favorite color?” “Yellow.” Tucker smiled. “Shit, for real? I thought it was just assigned from Project Freelancer.” “Yes and no. They will assign us one if we don’t chose. Next question.”

“Favorite food?” Carolina smiled, nearly grinning. “Junk food.” “No. Way.” Tucker said with his own grin. Carolina laughed weakly. “Yeah. He hides it, obviously. He can’t be a good C.O if he’s seen as bad as Grif with food. But even if he was it wouldn’t matter since he actually trains.” “Anything specific?”

“He really loves nachos and pizza. But those unfortunately do not come around very often.” Tucker gave a nod. “I will keep that in mind. Ok, uhhh favorite kind of movie or just favorite movie?”

Carolina smiled, knowing Wash is going to hate her for telling this. “Disney. He loves Disney films like no tomorrow. Several times in project freelancer I’d catch him humming different songs from the Lion King, Aladdin, whatever. South hated it, I think she honestly was jealous; he had a certain innocence that most of us had lost long ago.” Tucker nodded. Carolina continued. “His favorite Disney film is Tangled.”

Tucker chuckled softly. “Damn. I’m gonna have Disney marathons in the future.” Carolina scoffed. “You mean if you can find them, we’re not on earth Tucker.” “Oh I’ll find them.”

They both ended up eating lunch together when Wash woke again, this time a little more calm but still sounding terrified. “What? What’s going on?” Carolina gasped, not expecting him to wake up so soon and Tucker was already at his side, holding his hand, smiling softly at him. “It’s ok, you’re safe, you’re in the hospital.”

Wash frowned. “Tucker? Why are you here? I thought..” He stopped himself, looking away. Tucker frowned. “You thought what?” Wash didn’t even look at him, feeling his eyes well up. “I didn’t think you cared.” Tucker felt guilt bubble up inside again but he pushed it down, reaching and gently bringing Washs face to look him in the eyes, caressing his cheek. “Im sorry I made you think that. I didn’t realize how much care about you, until I thought I lost you.” Wash swallowed his tears down. “Not leaving this time?”

Tucker shook his head. “No. I’m not leaving. Not ever.”


	7. Chapter 7

It was weeks before Wash was allowed out of the hospital, mostly for recovery and gaining acceptance for his brain damage.

It was a hard pill to swallow. When Wash thought of brain damage, he thought about people in comas, becoming a vegetable. Even if they did wake up, need helping with everything.

But he wasn’t like that. He had memory loss, he had severe anxiety and problems recalling words. But he was able to live a normal life.

He kept having episodes of disassociation. Right now he was getting dressed while Carolina was talking with Dr. Grey and signing papers and getting info.

As he got his hoodie on he just stared at the wall, having felt like an alien in his own body. Carolina saw this, frowning, knowing he’s been having episodes like this for the past few weeks. “Wash?”

He didn’t respond, barely moved. Carolina came closer. “Wash?” He blinked, looking over at her. “Oh. Carolina.” She gave a supportive smile. “Hey, how you feeling? You seem like you’re zoning out.” “Kinda. I’m having that alien body experience.” “I noticed. You’ve been staring at the well for a full minute.”

Wash didn’t even seem shocked, just stared at his hands. “Huh.” Carolina held his hands. He looked at her, she gave a small smile. “Wanna go get something to eat? They have some awesome nachos here, according to Grif.” Wash felt a little more like himself at the mention of his favorite food. “Sounds good, will Tucker join us?”

Carolina tried not to get mad. Since Wash had woken up he’s been in and out visiting, sometimes not seeing him for days but according to him he’s planning a surprise for when Wash is out of the hospital. “Maybe, he’s been busy.”

Dr. Grey smiled. “Well get along you two, and please, don’t come back.” She said, not wanting to see any of them injured like that again. Carolina gave a huff. “We’ll try not to. Com’on Wash.”

As they walked to the cafeteria Wash spoke, sounding small. “Think Tucker still wants me as his soulmate? I’ve barely seen him since I woke up.” Carolina sighed. “I don’t know. He said he was planning something for you for your release. We’ll have to wait and see.” 

Wash looked sad, looking at the ground. Carolina shoved a tray at him. “Here. Get whatever fucking food you want, you deserve it. It’s on me.” Wash gave a small smile and got the biggest plate of nachos and two cans of cherry coke.

As they sat down Carolina smiled when she saw familiar faces. “I think you have some visitors.” Wash turned, seeing Simmons, Grif, Sarge, Donut and Cabbose who was already running over and nearly tackling Wash in a hug. “Agent Washington! You’re alright!” Wash chuckled, feeling his chest flutter and tighten with warmth, hugging back. “Yeah Cabbose, I’m alright.”

Sarge chuckled. “Good to see you up and walking. See Simmons? I told you it’s gonna take more than one bullet to take down our Agent Washington.” Simmons rolled his eyes. “Excuse me for being realistic.” He suddenly saw Grif next to Wash, sharing his nachos. “Grif!”

Grif looked up, cheesy nacho in hand. “What? He has three platefuls here.” Wash smiled. “It’s really ok, I don’t mind.” Donut came over with a card in hand and a big smile. “Here, we all got together and made you this get well card.” Grif huffed. “You mean you made us.”

Wash took it gently and opened it up, seeing a homemade card with flowers and guns drawn on it and fancy letting saying “Get well soon, from the reds and blues.” With their names signed on it. Cabboses name written in crayon and taking over most of the card.

Wash swallowed, not used to so much affection. “Guys, I..I don’t know what to say.” He looked away, feeling his eyes water. Cabbose hugged him again, this time a little softer, sitting next to him. “It’s ok Agent Washington.” 

Grif frowned. “Dude, you alright?” Wash smiled, sniffling, wiping tears away. “Yeah, I’m just not used to so much affection. I…” He felt himself starting to go into a life story but he just smiled weakly. “Thank you guys, really. I couldn’t ask for better friends.”

Donut sniffled, wiping his eyes. “Oh that’s just so sweet. We need a group hug, right now!” He moved over and hugged Wash, caboose already hugging him as Wash protested. “No, that’s not necessary-“

But Sarge was next, coming in on the other side. “Not much you can do but accept it.” Wash gave him a look. “That’s sounds threatening.” And soon Simmons joined in. “Fine but I better not get crushed.”

Carolina was next, looking at Grif who hasn’t joined yet. “Grif.” Grif sighed. “Fine.” He stood and joined the hug like.

Eventually they released and had to go back to their work. Wash looked at the card and frowned. “Tucker didn’t sign it.” Carolina glared softly. “Of course he didn’t.” Wash looked over at her. “You’ve been really mad at him, is everything ok between you two?”

Carolina just stared at him. “Did you forget how he used you for a hook up?” Wash looked away. “That was years ago.” Carolina seemed to only become more irritated with the answer. “Did you forget how he made you feel unwanted and dirty? You called me for help. You were depressed for a whole year.” Wash glared back. “I didn’t forget, I just forgave him. There’s no point in dwelling on the past, it happened and he’s been making strides to be a better person. I just wish you could see that.”

Carolina shook her head. “He didn’t even come to see you getting out of the hospital.” “I know.” He said, looking away, he felt his hands start to shake and tears fill his eyes.

He felt his breath getting away from him, fuck. Another anxiety attack. He knows from Dr. Grey that the anxiety is highly likely a side effect of the brain damage and should ease with time as his brain heals, but if it gets too bad he can be put in medication for it.

Carolina softened, holding Washs hand. “Hey, it’s alright, just use the box breath, remember from training? Breath in…”

He followed her instructions feeling anxiety ease up but his mind stuck in a loop that Tucker doesn’t want him. He looked at her, eyes red. “Can we leave the hospital now?” Carolina nodded. “Yeah.”

It took about an hour to get back to base, keeping a low profile, reporting in to Kimball and getting to his bunk. Wash sighed as Carolina opened the door, key in hand when they both stopped, door open.

Tucker was there with a TV, DVD player, probably every blanket on base and pillows with two large pizzas and soda.

Tucker smiled as he saw him. “Hey, thought I got the day wrong.” Wash looked at him. “What is this?” Carolina glared at him, arms crossed. “Yes Tucker. What is this?”

“Movie marathon. Disney actually. It took a while but I managed to find a lot of Disney movies, including Tangled-“ “What?!” Wash said, between surprised and wondering if he was dreaming. “How did you get these movies? How did you even know I like those movies?” Tucker grinned. “Ask Carolina.”

Wash turned to her, blushing. She smiled weakly, sighing. “He wanted to get to know you. I only gave him a few bits of you, the rest you can tell yourself when you chose.” 

Wash looked at Tucker, wondering if this was even real. “Uhh..” Tucker came over, grabbing the bouquet of Lilacs and gently handing them over. “I treated you like shit when we found out about our numbers and I will never be able to forgive myself for it, so start over?” 

Wash took them gently, sniffing before smiling. “I think I can work with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Box breath used in this is actually an exercise used by Navy Seals. You breath in, hold it for four seconds, breath out for four seconds and repeat until the anxiety has eased.


End file.
